I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I don't like change. It isn't something I'm proud of. It is more of an annoyance than anything. While that is true, I am aware of it. I won't deny it. Still, I do try something new every now and again. After going over everything I have planned and scheduled for the next few months (and the rest of the well packed year), I signed up for Row80. I haven't officially decided on my goal. I know I can do 50,000 words in less than a month. I've done it before. But my home life was altered in the process. I have already put in for a week off in November to join NaNoWriMo once again. That combined with the usual week we get during that month will give me plenty of time to reach the standard goal.
But this month is not good for such a stunt. I've already gotten off to a bad start. This was the first day of a four day weekend, and I squandered it. Yes, the cats succeeded in forcing me to get up early (Oliver head-butted my nose when I wasn't up an hour after my usual time). After feeding them, I went back to bed. Was planning on having lunch with Colt and Dillon at Wingstop, but Colt had a business meeting come up and Dillon had errands to run. That's ok, rescheduled to dinner. So it was just me and a frozen pizza. I apparently didn't cook the pizza thoroughly. About half way into it, I bit a solid chunk of frozen dough and sauce. After scraping my tongue with the fork to keep from gagging, I didn't have much of an appetite. Tried again later for a much better result. Had several visitors during the day. Then Colt came home early. I got excited that we might go out and do something, but he had plans, and promptly left after changing into jeans. So it was just me and a frozen dinner. And Ever After. Which I cried through, again. Love that movie.
I've found myself avoiding my writing all day. I want to do it. I know I need to finish my own edits and formatting of Where to Belong. It's just getting on my nerves today. Can't really explain it. I've rewritten and read this story countless times. It has been marked as ready-to-go by Grady. Still, I can't do it. While working on it late last night (which might be the problem), I struggled to find MY voice in it. There is a lot happening in the story. I can't help but question why I wrote it this way. Maybe I'm doubting myself too much again. It happens. There are parts in it where I get caught up reading and following the characters that I forget to edit the words and structure. Isn't that a good thing? I try not to compare myself to other writers, but I've been reading others' work lately and I can readily pick out their voice in each book. They are all unique. Their stories are rooted with their voice. This captures my attention and makes me want to read the entire book in one sitting. I've had betas say that about mine, but I'm not feeling it right now. It might be that I'm putting too much pressure on the book, on myself, on the whole plan. I started this because it was fun and I enjoyed it. I don't want it to be a hassle or drudgery. Perhaps it was only a bad day.
Even still, the long weekend is already filled with less than joyous happenings. That means I'll be wallowing again. That's getting to be a bad habit. So, maybe I'll hide in my stories and make some progress with one of them.
Anyway, goal for Row80. Let's aim for the number I'm familiar with, no need to change there. But I'll lengthen the time frame. I'll shoot for 50,000 words in the 80 days. The project I'll be working on during the challenge is one I've been calling Oneiros. That won't be its final title, and maybe I'll pick one up along the way. It's kind of a cross between The Labyrinth and The Wizard of Oz. Most definitely the fantasy genre. That is my comfort zone as of late - building my own world and going by its rules.
I'll try to make the next post more cheerful. :)